A Trip to Lake Michigan
It was a hot summer weekend and we were camping at the beach. Adam and I grabbed our booggie boardsand ran towards the gigantic waves. Before we knew it, we were gasping for breath and swimming for our lives.
Wait a minute, you should hear the beginning first. I was at my house and I was packing my stuff that I wanted to take on the camping trip. I had an idea. Maybe my cousin, Adam, wanted to come with us to lake Michigan. I got up off the ground and walked to my parents bedroom. I said, "Can Adam come with us to lake Michigan?" They said that he could come. So I walked back to the kitchen, which is where the phone is, and grabbed the phone. I dialed his phone number. "BRRRRING, BRRRING... Hello?" "Hi, I was wondering if Adam could go to lake Michigan with us. "Sure," said Adam's mom. "He'll pack his stuff and be over in about thirty minuts." "Thank you," I said. I played video games until he came.
After I was done playing video games, I sat on the couch and looked out the window and waited until Adam came. When I saw Adam's car, I ran to the door and waited until he came inside. I opened it before he got to knock. I said, "Let me help you with your stuff." We walked to my room. I put his stuff on the room floor. "Let's play a video game," I said. We played the fovorite one that I had. I accidentally erased my file. Adam said, "oh man!" I said, "oops!" The game was lost, and we had to start a new one.
When it was time to leave, we took the game into the truck, because Adam has a DVD player that can play video games. We hooked up the video game and waited for my dad to start up the truck. My dad hooked up the trailer and we drove off.
Almost the whole way there we played video games. We stopped to stretch, eat, and go to the bathroom if we had to. Adam and I got out, streched and walked over the bridge to go the bathroom. We talked about the video game the whole way there and back. When we got back into the truck, we played video games again, and before too long, we were there.
A. Clements - 6th Grade
Wait a minute, you should hear the beginning first. I was at my house and I was packing my stuff that I wanted to take on the camping trip. I had an idea. Maybe my cousin, Adam, wanted to come with us to lake Michigan. I got up off the ground and walked to my parents bedroom. I said, "Can Adam come with us to lake Michigan?" They said that he could come. So I walked back to the kitchen, which is where the phone is, and grabbed the phone. I dialed his phone number. "BRRRRING, BRRRING... Hello?" "Hi, I was wondering if Adam could go to lake Michigan with us. "Sure," said Adam's mom. "He'll pack his stuff and be over in about thirty minuts." "Thank you," I said. I played video games until he came.
After I was done playing video games, I sat on the couch and looked out the window and waited until Adam came. When I saw Adam's car, I ran to the door and waited until he came inside. I opened it before he got to knock. I said, "Let me help you with your stuff." We walked to my room. I put his stuff on the room floor. "Let's play a video game," I said. We played the fovorite one that I had. I accidentally erased my file. Adam said, "oh man!" I said, "oops!" The game was lost, and we had to start a new one.
When it was time to leave, we took the game into the truck, because Adam has a DVD player that can play video games. We hooked up the video game and waited for my dad to start up the truck. My dad hooked up the trailer and we drove off.
Almost the whole way there we played video games. We stopped to stretch, eat, and go to the bathroom if we had to. Adam and I got out, streched and walked over the bridge to go the bathroom. We talked about the video game the whole way there and back. When we got back into the truck, we played video games again, and before too long, we were there.
A. Clements - 6th Grade
posted by Mr. Zork at
1:38 PM
5 Comments:
I liked:
-that you used all capital letters (for the phone sound)
-that you capitalized Michigan (that's something I would probably forget)
By
Anonymous, at 11:31 AM
I liked:
-the good verbs and adjectives you used like "gigantic," "gasping," and "hot summer weekend."
I wondered:
-what is a "booggie boardsand?"
-what happened after you were gasping for breath and swimming for your lives?
-how did you and your cousin end up gasping for breath and swimming for your lives?
By
Anonymous, at 11:32 AM
I liked:
-how you played video games
I wondered:
-what "boogie boardsand" was
By
Anonymous, at 11:34 AM
I liked:
-that it was kind of funny
I wondered:
-how come you were drowning?
By
Anonymous, at 11:35 AM
I loved the way you used onomatopoeia with the phone sound; I could hear it ringing! Good use of dialogue, too.
By
Ryan, at 11:40 AM
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